End of the Year TV Show Cancelpocalypse 2012

I figured it would be fun to look at all of the crap that got s–tcanned here recently. Some shows were quick flops while others were long standing shows that have just lost viewer interest, either way here is your TV show cancels for 2012!

3″ CBS- Just like a majority of America, I have never heard of this show or watched it. It is apparently some sort of reality show that had a grand total of 2.4 million viewers in its first 2 episodes… that is the lowest turn out for CBS new series debut ever. They had a .8 rating in the market and no one really gave a damn about whatever this show was about… im guessing 3 women doing… stuff.

“A Gifted Man” CBS- Yet another medical drama we were forced to swallow for a time being. Ever since ER they have tried to remake and redo the medical drama. Yes, yes they slightly have it with Grey’s Anatomy, but this show was apparently so obviously done that lead character Patrick Wilson on twitter said he wasn’t surprised and that he was informed by e-mail of the cancellation. You’re doing it right CBS.

“Alcatraz” FOX- Ok seriously… who thought that the fat guy from Lost could be a a lead character. This show started strong for a minute, pulling in 10 million viewers a week, but then fell to less than half of that at 4.7 million. There is a fat joke about Jorge Garcia to put in… but im writing this at 5am and don’t feel like making one up.

“American Chopper” Discovery- Rednecks feel free to cry for the second time this year (first being Obama winning). This show somehow made it 10 years and was one of the original “reality TV” shows. So I naturally hate this show, because I hate reality TV. They are going out just like the meat heads that watch this crap would want it, with a bike building competition involving Jesse James, you know, the guy who was banging the Nazi tattoo chick? Hide your boners boys.

“America’s Best Dance Crew” MTV- A show that has been on life support for about 5 seasons now. MTV finally, FINALLY, gets rid of one of its idiotic and pointless reality set-ups. Between ending this and Jersey Shore, I just want to say thank you for elevating our IQ ever so slightly. In this shows season 7 finale it barely pulled in 1 million viewers. Didn’t hurt that one of their judges was hit with allegations of child molestation despite looking like a 17 year old man child himself.

“Cash Cab” Discovery- NOOOOOOO!!!! One of the only shows I ever slightly laughed at that was a game show is over. Host and professional slight smile artist Ben Bailey is going to have to pack it in and go back to traveling as a comedian (of which he is decently funny). This actually made me slightly sad what with all the other shows that Discovery has that are awful and they choose one of the few good ones. Whatever… asshats.

“Chuck” NBC- Now this is actually a well written and storied show with good plot twists and the right collection of characters. SO in that light, thank the lord this show is ending. These types of shows tend to go on for too damn long (hey 24 and Lost) and with ending it at 5 seasons it keeps its luster and can actually go out on top. The point of television my friends, is to make me miss the show at the end, not dread the next season. Leave me missing it so that they next show you roll out grabs my interest because im sad missing my former show. Im saying treat us like a heartbroken 16 year old girl.

OMG OMG she got that cookie sent her!

“The Closer” TNT- So I never actually really watched this show because every time I turned it on I kept trying to feed Kyra Sedgwick. She is the size of an actual rail and I thought she would get whatever small rodent that crawled up her ass out with some fiber. This show is only half going away as a spinoff (I hate spinoffs) called Major Crimes will be rolling out. So keep on watching whatever demographic this goes for.





“C.S.I. Miami” CBS-

•_•) “I think they call this…”

( •_•)>⌐□-□ “Irony”



“Desperate Housewives” ABC- Women for some reason eat this crap up. Only women can watch other women do womanly things and enjoy it. If I tried sitting down and watching some asshole write, play video games and whack off for 52 minutes of my day, I would blow my brains out. This show is however, bowing out gracefully and not pushing the envelope with trying too much, so I applaud that. Good work show I thought had no chance, good work.

“Dog the Bounty Hunter” A&E- That’s right, no more cigarettes and Jesus talk from this leather loving family. After calling his sons girlfriend the N word he was in hot water, but still kept his show. This show survived because it was honestly hilarious and spurned one of the best South Park episodes to me that involved bear mace. My problem is still trying to figure out if his daughter is hot or not… I better start evading court orders and the police so I can meet them. Seems to be the easiest way.


“Eureka” Syfy- I strongly disagree with this one. This show is still good and has the solid character development that kept Stargate SG-1 afloat for so long. Then again with Syfy reigniting their crappy reality TV brand with Haunted Collector and Face-Off I cannot say that I am surprised. Thank you Eureka for being a good show that was interested, intelligent and just really enjoyable.

“Gene Simmons Family Jewels” A&E- THIS SHOW WAS STILL ON?!?!?!?!





“House” FOX- Ah how sad this reality is. Where am I to get my snarky, “I don’t give a f–k if you die cause you won’t listen to me” attitude from now? We loved this show cause Dr. House was a prick who was addicted to painkillers and had more personal problems than all the Kardashian’s combined. Yet this show was great because through all that he was a f–king saint and saved people from FUBAR situations. This to me, will be missed. House… Road House.


“I hate my Teenage Daughter” FOX- I hate this f–king plot line and everything that goes with it. Nothing about this show was appealing. Poor single women trying to connect with their daughters that cannot stand them, look if anyone wants to do this in real life you just need to either have sex and wait 16 years or look at your current teenage daughter and be pissed. Stupid concept.


“Jane by Design” ABC Family- Ok I watched like… 3 episodes of this show and I have no idea what the hell is going on. So she is in high school?… Yet somehow works at a fashion place?… and that… isn’t ok? Look i’ve dealt with internships and real jobs and I can tell you that none of this made sense to me. And no I am not gay, I dated a girl with terrible taste in shows and was forced to watch this on 3 separate occasions.


“Make it or Break it” ABC Family-

They broke it.



“One Tree Hill” The CW- Apparently that one last tree, was cut down in order to make paper for a show that is less stupid.





“Work It” ABC- Who thought this concept would work? It didn’t work in the movies and drag never seems to sit well with much of anyone on TV. It is too difficult to pull of and the plot they use makes no sense here… how are they out of work… yet canonly get jobs because they look like women… poorly dressed and hideous women. How do any male characters even hit on them? Are they about as blind as humanly possible? Stevie Wonder isn’t even that blind.

and finally…

“Next Caller” NBC- I will watch anything on NBC after they did this for the world. The Dane Cook headed show where he is a radio DJ (which already pisses me off as I am in radio) who is just a total douchebag misogynist, also known as Dane Cook. He gets a new co-host who is of coarse, a feminist NPR kind of personality. Wow… the ideas and writing are so unique aren’t they… NBC thank God, cancelled this crapfest after only 4 episodes were shot and then sealed those 4 episodes to never be seen again, because no one should be subjected to that sort of torture… no one. So we can hopefully crush any chance that professional tool and CBGB shirt wearer Dane Cook, never comes to a television near any of us. Dane Cook is awful and terrible in every which way and I hope his film and show career is over. Go back to stealing jokes and doing lines of coke off of strippers asses, we do not like you.

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