Evan Moorer a good friend of mine sounds off via my Facebook wall about NCAA and NFL football each week. Because they are hilarious I feel I must post them to the general public for your viewing pleasure as well. Well, let us get into this week’s letters in review!
final set of letters ladies and gents
lets go out with a bang
And as if we werent the Biggest Joke already
Dear Big10, Facepalm
Dear Alabama, you enjoy that? You think that was funny what you did to Auburn? They have had a tough year and you come in and not even let them score a point. Now you’re off to probably play Notre Dame to take them down and back to back the championship. You are the worst kind of team Bama, you make teams disappear into existence, who’s up next on your playing list? Colorado?
Fighting Irish, you have not lost a game, which means the odds are against you. King Bama is coming for you, and in the rare event that Bama doesn’t go to the championship I’d like to say something I’ve been meaning to say to the college football experts. F–k the BCS.
Dear Oregon, You failed. Your mission was stopping king Bama and you have failed, you disgust me.
Dear Ohio, beat by Kent State? Only scored six points? Not looking like the new Boise State now huh? Yeah I still remember when they said that crap. Crawl back into your hole.
Dear Iowa, You had one job. You suck.
Dear Notre Dame, they are coming.
Dear Oklahoma’s, Now that is how you’re supposed to play football. Carry on.
Dear Rutgers, You lost to Pitt… you got crushed by Pitt… unranked Pitt. Get the hell out of the top 25. Some disrespectful ass s–t to the NCAAF. (Also welcome to the Big10 – Sean)
Dear Oregon State, 48-24 loss? Tell big brother to stop it before you tell mom.
Dear Florida State, so there goes that lets stay in the top 10 plan eh?
Dear South Carolina, you know why I hate you? Because you cheated Vanderbilt and should have had your ass kicked out of the top 10 forever ago.
Dear Missouri, Sometimes you try real hard to win, but then you realize you weren’t supposed to win.
Dear Auburn, Its all over you can rest now.
Dear Colorado, it never started for you. I’d consider dropping a nuclear bomb on the program you call “football.”
Dear Arkansas, 4-8 all season? Couldn’t beat LSU? You really are never the same after getting slapped by Bama.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE ALL WAITING FOR ME TO COMMENT ON THE BIGGEST RIVAL GAME IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL.
Dear Ohio State And Michigan,
You two teams have managed to f–k everything up. All of it, congratulations. I know what you’re saying though, how? How did we manage this feat? Michigan had a decent season! Ohio state had a perfect season!
1. To Michigan: Empowering Bama: Why the hell would you play the hardest team at college football as your first game? Do you realize what kind of momentum that gave Bama for the season? To come out and slap the (horribly ranked) number 8 Michigan? (seriously… how ranked number 8 were you?!… only worse was USC!)
2. To Ohio State: The ugliest perfect season of all time: 12-0 is the record for you this year, ranked pretty high in the top 10 but here is my problem. The Cupcake schedule, if you ask me right now which were the real games you played this year and won legit here’s what i’d say, Wolverines, Badgers, Cornhuskers. these were the only real games you played this year. Indeed you did win but everyone else you played terribly and barely won (excluding a few) as well there is no bowl game this year for ya, so the perfection is slightly, only slightly worthless. To tell you the truth, Alabama or Notre Dame, you don’t want no part of that s–t. I don’t give a s–t what your record was. as of right now the Big 10 is a joke, with the one team who was banned sitting at the top.
3. To Michigan: The rival game: The worst play calling of all time now that I review it. There is absolutely no reason why you should have lost. You’re telling me with the speed of Robinson as what seemed to be a dual QB/RB, and the throwing ability of Gardener and you lost? Does anybody over there know what the hell they are doing?
4. To both of you: BIG 10 game: Your actions of the past have brought another crapshoot of a Big 10 title game. I’d rather see Colorado play Iowa than at least, I could have a damn laugh. This is just sad.
Final thoughts: In all seriousness, I always talk football and never s–t unless I’m purely joking which I do a lot, but here’s what id like to say…
To Michigan: You’ve got a hard ass bowl coming, playing the team that beat Bama which was the team who beat your ass. Good luck with that one. Leave with your heads high. Ranking wise you lost to 3 of the best teams in the NCAAF which is slightly respectable. The Nebraska loss just to blame on that terrible QB (pictured just 2 pics above) who got to play one game and was never seen again…..what happened to that man?
To Ohio state: Represent the Big 10 now, although you are undefeated I don’t see you buckeyes a very menacing threat yet. You will starting high in the ranks next year so prove me wrong and make the Big 10 look good again. Last but not least, solid wins. No almost over time with bullshit teams like Cal. No more getting slapped into second half and pulling off a win because the other team f–ks up badly. Solid wins. Bama like wins.
Good luck in your bowl game.
-This is Evan signing off until the conclusion of bowl games for NCAAF. Don’t worry I’ll still be doing NFL ones too, tell Sean to get the hell off of my back though.
-Finally, in honor of Denard Robinson we post this picture. You know what to put Sean…