Evan Moorer a good friend of mine sounds off via my Facebook wall about NCAA and NFL football each week. Because they are hilarous I feel I must post them to the general public for your viewing pleasure as well. Well, let us get into this week’s letters in review!
Good day common folk, you’re all probably wondering if I am still mad from last times letters, the answer is yes.
This week the NCAA and NFL is unsafe (like sex with Ben Roethlisburger).
Dear NCAA FB Top-10, Get your shit together.
Dear Alabama, well Emperor Saban, your loss a week ago now means nothing and the pressure of losing is gone and you stomped WCU into the ground with a crushing 49 points. Well played. You will be one of the few teams this week avoiding my horrible wrath.
something, something, something, roll (damn) tide.
Dear Kansas State, there is a reason I don’t like you, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there was something, perhaps your purple color? Don’t get lost in an airport with LSU and TCU. No, its getting beaten by unranked teams while being NUMBER 1. This is why I dislike you, because I knew eventually your purple rain ass would screw things up. Not only were you just beaten by Baylor, but they scored 52 points on you… unranked Baylor… scored 52 points… on you. The Number 1 team in the nation and you didn’t even muster up a mere 30 points. Let me make this statement clear, very freaking clear:
IF YOU ARE IN THE TOP TEN, YOU ARE NOT, I REPEAT, NOT ALLOWED TO LOSE TO AN UNRANKED TEAM. 28 point deficit… you disgust me.
Dear Oregon, Oregon… Oregon… Oregon… oh how you failed me. You damn Ducks were the only shot at the de-throne-ing of Alabama as the Champions. Instead now Notre Dame with the best season they have had in years, has to have their dreams dashed because Roll (Damn) Tide has to come screw up their shit. 17-14 in OT? That’s acceptable, I mean not really because you’re number 2 but whatever ya damn Ducks. Maybe you would have won if the offensive line was in flying V. Hell if i know, worth a shot though.
Dear Notre Dame, number 1 eh? Now we play the waiting game…
Dear Florida and Georgia, working your way up the chains I see, trying to get involved in the top spot shenanigans? All I can say is this, Georgia you have a fighting chance. Florida as a black man said to Dewey Cox once, “You dont want no part of this shit.”
Dear Texas A&M, wait a minute… hold on… timeout… slow down… pause… who is this no named you have stomped on? SHSU? Why have I never heard of this team before? Wait… why is this team 8-3? Who spells “Bearkats” with a k? The Southland Conference? I never even heard of that! Does this team even exist!? I call BS, this game didnt happen.
Dear South Carolina, Wofford? Who from the what conference? Texas A&M syndrome. TAMS for short. Please play real teams dammit.
Dear Oklahoma and WVU, holy shit defense is not an option. 50-49 Oklahoma? Close ass call.
Dear Clemson, why the hell aren’t you ranked higher?
Dear Michigan, finally beating the team who has managed to f–k up your season 2 years straight? Well played, 42 points. Y’all sangry for sure.
Dear USC, starting out at number 2 at the beginning of year and now losing to 17th ranked UCLA as you are ranked 18th? Your season is over.
Dear Colorado, every time I say the name of your team I die of laughter. Remind me to add up the amount of points scored on you for the season.
Dear Oklahoma State, doing Oklahoma’s normal job of running of the score and not giving a shit doing so? nice.