Evan Moorer a good friend of mine sounds off via my Facebook wall about NCAA and NFL football each week. Because they are hilarous I feel I must post them to the general public for your viewing pleasure as well. Well, let us get into this week’s letters in review!
(I am handling duties this week, last week was taken off for election results/ drunkenness)
This week in letters to football teams College Edition:
Dear Michigan, So what you’re telling me is that this wide receiver is just as good, if not better, than your actual technical quarterback?…
Dear Louisville, you have somehow up until this week, derped your way into the top-10. How you did this no one knows… but just like Rutgers, down boy… down.
Dear Tennessee, what are you doing? You play in the SEC, you cycle in good NFL players, you had Payton Manning at one point and yet still, you cannot win a damn thing. It may be time to start cheating.
Dear Louisiana Monroe, no one truly cares about you and you actually lost to Arkansas St 45-23, but you have the most attractive cheerleader in the south.
Dear UCLA, you are relevant again somewhat, and you playing USC is actually going to be a mildly important game again… I love seeing your head coach blatantly curse live on TV.
Dear Texas Tech, since the Aggies decided to beat Alabama you are now back to the third most relevant team from Texas… possibly forth if we include Baylor. Tuberville angry.
Dear Michigan again, LOL just found this… had to post it. You are terrible.
Dear Oregon, this hit was nasty… this hit was ON you… I understand you proceeded to layeth the smackethdown upon Cal’s ass though… so enjoy being #2.
Dear Louisiana Tech, you cannot score less than 50 points, then again, neither can your opponents. If only you could play a slight bit of defense I could like you more… you even confuse your best cheerleader and math-athlete.
Dear Notre Dame, you are the worst top-5 team… you annoy me for multiple reasons… you have a great defense, but your offense has the proficiency of a mentally challenged crack baby trying to do long division. I look forward to you getting stuck playing Alabama.
Dear Alabama, so it happened… you fell. You ran into an offensive juggernaut and one of the best quarterbacks in the game. Your defense still held up after a terrible 1st quarter. AJ McCaron continued the streak of half-ass quarterback play coming back to kill you. You are what the SEC needed and now you are relying on K-State, Oregon and Notre Dame to fall. Good luck, have fun against a pissed off Georgia team.
Dear Texas A&M, good job bringing down the tyrant incarnate. No one will say it, but everyone is thanking GOD you beat Bama. You made it the worst week for southern white people since Gettysburg. Manziel should be right behind Klein for Heisman.