Evan Moorer a good friend of mine sounds off via my Facebook wall about NCAA and NFL football each week. Because they are hilarious I feel I must post them to the general public for your viewing pleasure as well. Well, let us get into this week’s letters in review!
This week in letters to football teams:
Dear Cleveland browns, that’s right! You are supposed to try to win football games! That’s the point!
Dear Dallas Cowboys, Romo you are terrible! Let’s just face facts, you sucked last year and in previous years, now you’re on it again. Dallas might as well trade you to the Browns…..although I think they have enough problems….either way usher in the reign of Neckbeard!…errr I meant Cliff Lee apparently…
Dear Arizona… let the losing streak begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear San Francisco, what the f–k?………How is it that you have some of the best receivers in the world, and only manage to put up three points? You’re making Eli Manning look like the new Tom Brady! Will we have to change Brady smash to Eli smash? Nah just kidding it will always be Brady smash, but seriously 49ers…what the hell…
Dear Washington, RG3 will not and cannot, win every game for you, heed my words!
Dear Green Bay, really? Oh now you wanna play? Last week you were getting your ass whooped by a rookie quarterback, now you’re making the Texans bend over and take it? Why you sangry?
Dear New England, 36 for 58 Brady? And only two passing touchdowns? Run the damn ball! What’s so hard about that? Are you aware of what a running back is? Get on your game Darth Brady!
Dear Tennessee and Pittsburgh, see its games like Hassel-dick and worthless-Berger have, that make other QB’s such as Denard Robinson think they have a career in the NFL. 24 for 40 Roethlisberger? 25 for 44 Hasselback? Was this the blindfolded quarterback game? Pittsburgh, 0-3 for away games? Good God! Stop leaving the state! What happens to you when you f–king get on the road? Everyone magically forgets how to play?
Dear Oakland, Well Carson Palmer…the Bengals may be bad, but they have 2 more wins than your team. That’s a good “would you rather” scenario isn’t it? Would you rather lose to the Cleveland Browns to give them their first win? Or be the 1-4 Oakland raiders losing by 3 to Atlanta falcons lead by Matt Ryan? I’m not sure I would allow myself to lose to a guy with two first names.
Dear San Diego, and on that day Monday, October 15, Peyton Manning proved to you and the world that no matter what quarter it is, whatever the score, he will still beat that ass. 24-30 pass completion, 309 yards, 3 touchdowns, and they didn’t put a point in the first half of the game.
Dear Tampa Bay, you feel like a big team now beating up on small children?
Dear St. Louis, 462 offensive yards compared to the dolphins 192 and you still lost? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE! YOU DIDN’T THROW ANY INTERCEPTIONS! YOU ONLY HAD ONE TURNOVER! DOWN GOES BRADFORD! DOWN GOES BRADFORD!
And the best for last…
Dear Indianapolis, how the hell?… did you beat the Packers again? Wait a minute here lets review. Andrew luck, 22-44, 280 yards, and no touchdowns? Well I guess those two interceptions are holding you down. Mark Sanchez only throws 18 passes to kick your ass but wait that’s not the best part… Shonn Greene…Shonn f–king Greene 32 carries for 161 yards, to dunk on you three times?! Adam Vinatieri cannot win the game by himself colts.