Dear NFL…UGHHHHHH WTF IS GOING ON?!

This picture describes how the NFL season has been going…absolute anarchy. All the teams are up and down more than Paris Hilton in night vision and to the dismay of nearly all fantasy football leagues, we have no idea what in the hell is going on. So how bad has it been exactly? Well I will mix both actual football with fantasy football to explain the amount of rage I and most of America has been dealing with.

Collectively speaking I am 6-11-1 in all of my fantasy leagues combined. I feel like Raffi or Taco from The League are running my team while I am strung out on meth or something. It’s terrible. It took Aaron Rodgers 6 damn weeks to finally remember he is Aaron Rodgers thus screwing me out of roughly 5 total wins by my count. Now I made bad draft decisions in some early rounds (Jennings screwed me…), but in the overall I took relatively decent players throughout…it has not mattered as I am being manhandled like someone who chose Dan in a game of Marvel vs. Capcom 2.

Wshew…ok needed that off my chest, ok now onto the ACTUAL football season. We have a few “we expected that” teams and they are as followed:

YORO – You Only Romo Once

Dallas Cowboys: We knew you would suck. Every year you disappoint and this year is just worse than normal. Jason Witten was injured in the beginning, Dez Bryant has the mental abilities of a bi-polar high school girl, Miles Austin is terrible, Romo is…well still Romo, running game shows up and screws up and the coaching is at a new all time low.

New England Patriots: We expect you go be half ass at the beginning. Your defense is laughable most of the time, but you always pull it through in the last 8 weeks. Brady still smash and dear lord you have a running game. No surprise. Play-off bound as always.

Fantasy Stud

New York Jets: The LOL storyline of the NFL. Sanchez sucks for 2 to 3 weeks then has a great game screwing Jets fans into thinking he is still worthy of starting and continuing to push away the force that is Tebowism. Note that the Jets WRs are terrible, RBs are a joke and o-line beyond Mangold is a bunch of Sandlot back ups. Jets will LOL their way to 8-8.

Baltimore Ravens: You will dominate the regular season even though you just lost Ray Lewis, Lardarius Webb and possibly Haloti Ngata. You will go 12-4 or something and drop a game to the Browns. You will get annihilated in the play-offs and restart next year of the cycle of trying.

LAWL Browns

Cleveland Browns: You still have no WRs. Your QB, all jokes aside, is actually pretty good, but is getting screwed by no receiving options. Richardson looks good, but o-line is also dreadful. Defense YET AGAIN, is solid and carries the team alongside the best offensive weapon in the game…Phil “F–KING” Dawson. top 3 pick again for 2013 where they will be 1 pick to low to get the player they desperately want and need.

Those are the teams that we have expected and have pretty much lived up to it. Now for the teams that confuse the absolute hell out of us:

Arizona Cardinals: WHOOOOO?! What the hell?…who even is starting at QB?! Skelton gets hurt and then Kolb comes in and you still rattle off win after win? Despite losing Sunday, they are a very solid playoff team. NO RUNNING GAME to speak of and they win in the most half ass ways possible. Great defense is keeping them together and a good kicking game. No idea how they are winning, but they keep…doing it.

BWAHHHHHH!!! (Howard Dean voice)

Green Bay Packers: Ok screw you Aaron Rodgers. You finally decided to show up? The Packers are just absolutely confounding. Their defense is horrible, they can’t stop anything that involves the word “running” and until this week they didn’t even have the reliable score as much as possible offense that they are used too! The Pack is no shoe in with the Bears hitting on all cylinders.

Pittsburgh Steelers: For the record I said they would suck this year. The Steelers are feeling the repercussions of bad contracts, an aging defense, bad running back investments, old ineffective o-line and the years of abuse that are catching up with Roethlisburger. This team is getting closer to being the doormat of the AFC North, minus Cleveland of course.

Gets arrested: Remembers how to play

Minnesota Vikings: WTF?! Peterson’s revival tour started early and Ponder actually looks like he knows how to play. The defense found itself again and is back to harassing QBs and forcing terrible passes. While the Packers may catch them, the Vikes have a lot to look forward too if Ponder keeps getting better and Harvin is an absolute stud…Sidney Rice who?

The NFC West: WHY ARE YOU ALL GOOD?!?! Cards, 49ers and Seahawks are all 4-2 and the Rams are 3-3. All of these teams are actually…legit! The 49ers stand out defensively, but all these teams are terrifying and no longer a doormat for easy wins. This could be the best division in football…scary.

The point here is the NFL is crazy right now. I know it could all be righted by week 10 and everything could be as it was, but I don’t see that happening. The NFL has changed and now defense has again become extremely important. Just ask Matty Ice and his 3 INTs. I enjoy watching and will continue too, but with the start of the season and the referee debacle, the Seahawks winning with the most ass-backwards play ever and nothing seemingly going right, I don’t know what to expect anymore. It does keep it interesting, but WOW I feel about as helpless as Michael J. Fox playing Pictionary.

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