Evan Moorer a good friend of mine sounds off via my Facebook wall about NCAA and NFL football each week. Because they are hilarous I feel I must post them to the general public for your viewing pleasure as well. Well, let us get into this week’s letters in review!
This week in letters to football teams College Edition:
“It was tough sledding out there today, guys,” the Crimson Tide coach said. Really Saban? Is that how you feel? The first thing you comment on about the game is the weather? Although if my team hadn’t let up more than 20 points in the past seven games I guess the only thing to talk about would be the weather.
Dear South Carolina, I’ve been waiting for the week someone would put you in your place. Ever since that crap Vanderbilt call, I didn’t believe your team needed to be anywhere close to the top so in a sub note here I must thank LSU. So South Carolina, from the top ten, get out, all the way out.
Dear Florida, somewhere Tim Tebow is crying because Jeff Driskel has beaten his record, but that’s beside the point thank you for proving that Vanderbilt should probably be in MAC instead of SEC. let the revival of the gator chomp rise.
Dear Louisiana Tech, Colby Cameron you’re the only QB that I know who can go 44/58 and still lose, although I guess it isn’t your fault the defense decided to sit this game out and watch on the sidelines hoping simply that you would out score Texas A&M. Sadly though, Johnny Manziel proved that even with an awful Denard Robinson like 24/40 pass/completion rate and one interception, that you can still win a game….the word win is tossed around these days…
Dear Ohio State, I would like to confirm if this is the game strategy for every game you play:
“Ball to Braxton, score, pray to God the defense doesn’t screw up.”
I hope the other team stops playing like Nebraska. Well Indiana proved that they will play to end unlike the Cornhuskers, so the defense has to show up. I’m talking to you Mr. Fickell, stop hitting the ask Corso button, it doesn’t work every time.
Dear West Virgina, You owe me a new pair of pants. How is that you manage to beat Texas but let unranked Texas Tech give you the business? Did you forget you were number 5? Did you forget the rules of the top ten? You’re not supposed to lose to unranked teams? Now let me calm down, I mean I guess it’s alright if you lost, if I was Texas tech I would of tried to beat you too. It was probably a close game with a miscue here or there, right? It wasn’t like, 49-14 or anything ridiculous making the top ten look a laughing stock…….right?
Dear Michigan, second straight week: why you sangry?
I guess being on a warpath after the Notre Dame is your best option. The real feat here isn’t that you stopped Illinois from scoring, or that you scored 44 points, no none of that matters. What really matters is the fact two consecutive games, two count em two! Denard Robinson hasn’t thrown an interception, give your self a pat on the back Denard, this must be a first time thing
Dear Florida State, Just because no-named unranked teams made you look silly last week, doesn’t mean you take it out on others. You scored 51 points to many.
Dear Boston College, Damn how was that bus ride home?
Dear Miami, still haven’t recovered from 2003 huh?
Dear Notre Dame, Enjoy your win. Oklahoma is coming for you. And they are not happy, they are never happy.
Dear Oklahoma, does coach Stoops open a playbook with one page that just says “release the hounds?”
Dear Texas, the top 20, get out, nao!
Dear USC, I forgot you existed momentarily. Grovel your way to the top. This mess of what I call “rankings” 5-25 is all your fault. Now fix it.
Dear Oregon State, you try so hard to be like Oregon don’t you? It’s rather cute.
Dear Kansas State, I just realized that you are Ohio state, just in purple. Seriously, you beat all you’re cupcake teams, had one questionable game, one game where you blew a good team out the water and then a close one tonight. Kinda crazy actually.
Dear Big Ten, You have got to be the most questionable league in the NCAA. Right now, the best team in your conference is the only team that can’t go to a bowl game, but that same team (OSU) almost blew it to an unranked nobody.
Dear SEC, Roll Damn Tide…
Dear Big 12, if Kansas loses all is lost for some reason…
Dear Pac-12, you are the only hope to stop the monster known as the SEC.